So What if Life is Unfair?

Life is just like that... as my friend told me... it is never fair... it does not go on for you... It goes on like how the river flows... it widens as time goes by... it goes deeper and sometimes it dries up...
Sometimes life sucks... sometimes its too overwhelming to even bear... Sometimes you cry because of pains caused by the people around you... sometimes you weep because of too much love given to you by the person you love... Sometimes you are being hurt by things that happened in the past... but do not cry over spilt milk... just enjoy what is left in the glass and clean the spill...
Though life can be unfair... I have never regret anything that happened to me... I am hurt so many times in the past but still life goes on... it is not how unfair life is to you... it is how you accept failure, pains and hurtful tears... it is not how life lacks happiness... it is how you can be contented with what it offers you... Life is unfair. It is totally unfair. But its not going to be as wonderful as it is now if we have not suffered pain in the past... it is not as magical now if we have not seen what fake magics are... we can never appreciate being loved if we have not been fooled in the past...
There's so much more mystery in life we could think of... Most of them are unwanted... unplanned... thats why we are always caught unprepared... but it is not how life surprises us... it is how we react to those surprises... Be calm... Be open-minded... Be trusting... Be a listener... Be respectful... Be a person with heart... Care for what others feel... Love yourself... and Love others...
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The Story I Cried a Tear On....
I watched 700 Club before sleeping... There was this man who had a wonderful story of realization...
He is one of those "Black Sheep" Child in a family... He found his place with his peer... He cursed his parents to their graves... and killed 2 people while being involved in one of the dangerous gangs somewhere... He was sent to jail where his mom kept visiting him although he pushes her away... but one day he heard someone said a bible verse which made him want to say sorry to his mom... one day... the jailguard handed him a folder and inside was the death certificate of his mother... he held back his tears and headed to his cell... there everything flashed back... he saw his mom taking care of a kid and the kid grew up to be him... he saw how he robbed his mom for cash... how he cursed his mom to die... and now it happened... she is now gone... then his sister came.... brought along a tabloid stating that his brother died with 51 stabbed wounds... and so he locked himself again...to cry alone and think of revenge... but again he heard the word of the Lord... so he just let it pass... weeks and weeks after.... his sister came back... carrying a news... his dad had died... he hated himself then on... they died without him having to say sorry first... so he cried outloud for God's forgiveness... and he promised Lord that he will serve Him... just free him from all these pains and suffering he is going through... And the Lord heard Him...
It was a touching story... I cried hearing him tell this with rough voice and teary eyes... haay... I love you Lord :)

Maybe one day...

I thought you were mine... I never thought that circumstances could still take you away from me... We were happy together remember?! I don't know why you changed... From the sweetest man I know to the most cruel person in my life.... You knew how much I loved you... How big I risked just for this relationship to grow... It grew alright! but what... I promised never to surrender on any trials that might come... I attempted to but did not went on... I remembered my promises... I remembered how you begged me never to leave you... I was good at it... keeping promises... but what good did it do for me... You are no longer mine... You surrendered your love... you chose someone else... you took me for granted for someone who takes you for granted... I can not keep anyone who pushes me away.... I did my best never to look at anyone else's good qualities for me to never be tempted... for me to love you genuinely... but now I kinda wished I did... at least we could be quits... you chosed someone over me... I should have chosen someone else over you... I kinda wish we never met... at least I will not mind you walking away from me.... but that was not the case... I met you... I've known more about you... I fell in love with you... I risked everything for you... and now you have left me... I hate what happened... more so I hate myself... for being too gullible on all the things you say.. I trusted you too much... I should have backed off... I knew you said I can never understand you... but I did... I do... I still do... that is why I try to be your friend... but what now?... you pushed me again... you don't want me by your side... It hurts me even more.... You want me to be gone entirely in your life... and I can't do anything anymore... I'll probably be alone now... trying to find out where to search for the pieces of me.... I hope one day I'll be back smiling again... tell you I have moved on... I hope one day... the promises I kept are given more value... I hope one day... I would be happy... may it be with you or not...

If I Knew Who I Was

I've been one of the most talkative person I know in my entire life... I usually air out how I feel and fight anyone who hurts me on purpose... I do not care how people see me as long as I know I am right... I hate stepping on anybody and I hate people who does that... I am as describe by the people I know and people who I just got acquainted with as a person who is bubbly, funny, smart, kind and most of all real...
This gives me a headache to think... If I am the person I know that I am... why do I have to keep my silence for your sake... Why do I keep on bearing lies that I should be ignoring... If I am who I know I am... why do I keep everything to myself now? It was mine... you know what it is...and you told me that it is... but I kept silent when someone claimed it... It was me... you said that it's me... but I kept silent when someone answered when you called me... It was ours... we believed that it was ours... but I kept silent when somebody claimed it... I do not know why I always let you decide... maybe because I know you know what is right.... and least risky... I do not know why I keep silent even if my heart has been pounding so hard for the truth to come out... I do not know why you said it was only me who knew the truth... but can I disclose it? If I can... I still won't... why??? because I respect you that you would be the one to make it all work... to tell the whole truth... to stop all the lies...

From Me to You

I don't know why I keep finding myself alone in a dark room and weeping... I keep finding myself staring at nothing but seeing you on all the nothings that I look at...

Who is she? Why does she hurt me like this? You said she is just a friend and nothing more... are you just denying her? Is she telling the truth??? Who is she to do this to me??? If she is part of your past... just tell me... please be man enough to tell me all the thing I need to know... and be man enough to tell me the truth.... and if you are telling the truth that she is really nothing to you... then be man enough to cut her off your life... and tell her who I am and why she has to go... I don't know if what you say about her were just excuses... that she tends to hurt herself... you know my weakness... that I am defenseless when another person's life is on the line... are you just making this up? you said not to worry... that you will take care of everything... I just hope you are telling the truth....

For now... I will leave you alone...for you to have your time for yourself... I haven't given up on you yet... I hope you do your part... I'll hold on... but I hope it won't take you so long.... because I do not know until when I could last...