Water Lilies as the Life Saver

As I was travelling along Escolta, I noticed the river covered with waterlilies... I remembered a story I read in a newspaper... A guy jumped to the river to save his life from an attempted kidnapping or something... He was not a good swimmer and he was shot by a bullet but he was able to swim to the water lilies and lied there for 3 days... because of the air inside the water lilies stems... not only that they served as food to last him that long... the lilies also served as his life saver...
I actually had a thought in my mind as I was observing the lilies floating on the river.... I asked myself if God ever thought that those lilies could save someones life and not just be food for the fishes... Does everything here on Earth really existed at once or by evolution... I mean... what if God is currently watching us right at that very moment... when a man was about to jump to the river... did He paused the scene and then drew the lilies in the river.... and made the lilies "exist" not just in the scene but in our minds and in the history of living things.... I mean... before, we do not know that there is such a plant as lilies... and then just because something/ someone has to be save... there has to be things that should exist in order to alter the future.... maybe somethings in this life of mine never really existed before... but now it does... because something has to happen... hmmm am I crazy or what??? :p

Woooohhhhh....

An ex of mine invited me to learn scuba diving with him hehe but it's quite far ... well, I really wanted to go... this might help me with my depression... and I miss him too haha... Last night, we were together with a friend... eating "siomai"-steamed shrimp and meat balls wrapped with a thin sheet of dough hehe... in Gloria Maris then drank coffee in Coffeebean & Tealeaf... then went home... I kept on teasing him about how big his tummy was hahaha... to my surprise he reached for mine and pinched it hahaha but it's okay... I think there was nothing malicious about it...hmmm... maybe he missed me too hahaha... well couldnt think of anything to write anymore... ciao bloggers... (as if someone can read my posts! weehee)

Friendship Requirements

A True friend...

• should stand by your side no matter how ugly your life may seem...
  
• should never judge you for what you are and what you have been...
  
• should never say anything against you to anyone other than you...
  
• should never tolerate any evil thoughts
  
• should listen to your side before believing anyone else...
  
• should know what you need more on a certain time.... if it is someone who will listen, lean on or someone who will snap you back to reality...
  
• should know well that its better to tell him or her directly what you think than let others say what you think...
  
• does not let anyone think evil things about you
  
• does not give room for any forms of evil, backfighting and treachery...
  
• does not permit misunderstandings....
  
• enjoys your company even if its over a simple cup of coffee...
  
• understands your stupidity
  
• never judge you for your decisions...
  
• never starts rumors about you...
  
• never say anything to anyone about you that he or she intends to keep from you...
  

*** It is painful to lose a friend along our way to life... but it is more painful to lose your trust on a friend just because of the trials in life that you should be facing... along with them as your friends... ***

I do not understand...

I'm in Vigan, watching a local story on TV... Some things flashed back on me...

He has changed... after everything that I have given him... it was not enough for him to hold on to me... it was not enough for him to keep his feelings for me...

I kissed him... He kissed me back... but I don't understand... it was a cold kiss... a day before that... I was aloof with him... but he reaches out to my arm just to touch me... just to feel me near... but now I do not understand...

I hugged him... He let me... but I don't understand... his arms were not holding me near... a day before that... It was awkward for me to hug him because we agreed not to be too close... but he kept hugging me like he didn't care... just to make me feel how much he misses me... but now I do not understand...

I cuddled him... He just smiled... but I don't understand... the smile was empty... a day before that... I wasn't sure of even touching him... but he came near me... he looked at me with longing... and I asked him if he wants a hug... he hugged me like he never want to let go... but now I do not understand...

We had to part ways one day... He bid goodbye and never looked back... I was waiting and hoping for a glympse but there was none... and I don't understand... it was not long ago that we could not bear parting ways... some time before that... he could not bear seeing me walk away... he kept holding back the tears... but fell otherwise because of the pain we are feeling... but now I do not understand...

He was fickle... much more fickle than I am... Yesterday, he loved me... he proposed to me... today he is cold... today he can love me no more... I do not understand...how he could change his mind overnight... the other day he was sure that he wants to spend his entire life with me... but now... I do not understand...

His Valentine Message...

Tomorrow is Valentine's Day... I hope somebody asks me out... haha kidding... but if someone does ask me out... would I say yes??? hmmm... dating is actually healthy... if nobody gets mad.... hehehe ;p... Anyway, I've attached his message to me... he described be as a "sweet and loving" person... hmm I guess he didn't know me that well hahaha we use to call each other "Toto" and "Inday" ... Toto was a nice man... and he was a sweet boyfriend... he showed a lot of care for me and does things I do not expect... haay life... things are just so different lately... or maybe... I'm just missing him...

Just writing...

Its been so long since I've stopped writing... Actually, its just because I had my notebook fixed...hehe... I'm leaving my home for a while... search my soul somewhere far... enjoy life to the fullest... forget problems and relax... Where am I going??? I dunno... where my feet takes me... some people hate my sponteniety.... but I love it so much... I don't like making plans to where I'm going... I don't like making iteneraries... but don't get me wrong... I have goals in life... and it was clearer now... I've learned the value of planning the future... and it was fun planning it with someone... but then... I have other plans too... for my future... I never thought I would be making one... a person use to ask me what I had planned for myself... now that I already have... I think my life is better... hmm I hope so... I thought my life was okay the way it was... fun... unplanned...exciting... just like a kid... but I realized that there are bad things about not planning... we can not be kids all the time... that we have a lot of responsibilities in life... I've learned so much from that person... I even learned the value of money and business... I learned to value memories... I learned to value people who loves and cares for me... I learned to be patient... I learned to enjoy.... funny... did you know that I've been reading newspapers now... haha before I couldn't last reading a column... anyway... I just wrote things... nothing much! :) I'm so excited.. I cannot hide it... hahaha just remembered my soul searching adventure! bye!

So What if Life is Unfair?

Life is just like that... as my friend told me... it is never fair... it does not go on for you... It goes on like how the river flows... it widens as time goes by... it goes deeper and sometimes it dries up...
Sometimes life sucks... sometimes its too overwhelming to even bear... Sometimes you cry because of pains caused by the people around you... sometimes you weep because of too much love given to you by the person you love... Sometimes you are being hurt by things that happened in the past... but do not cry over spilt milk... just enjoy what is left in the glass and clean the spill...
Though life can be unfair... I have never regret anything that happened to me... I am hurt so many times in the past but still life goes on... it is not how unfair life is to you... it is how you accept failure, pains and hurtful tears... it is not how life lacks happiness... it is how you can be contented with what it offers you... Life is unfair. It is totally unfair. But its not going to be as wonderful as it is now if we have not suffered pain in the past... it is not as magical now if we have not seen what fake magics are... we can never appreciate being loved if we have not been fooled in the past...
There's so much more mystery in life we could think of... Most of them are unwanted... unplanned... thats why we are always caught unprepared... but it is not how life surprises us... it is how we react to those surprises... Be calm... Be open-minded... Be trusting... Be a listener... Be respectful... Be a person with heart... Care for what others feel... Love yourself... and Love others...
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The Story I Cried a Tear On....
I watched 700 Club before sleeping... There was this man who had a wonderful story of realization...
He is one of those "Black Sheep" Child in a family... He found his place with his peer... He cursed his parents to their graves... and killed 2 people while being involved in one of the dangerous gangs somewhere... He was sent to jail where his mom kept visiting him although he pushes her away... but one day he heard someone said a bible verse which made him want to say sorry to his mom... one day... the jailguard handed him a folder and inside was the death certificate of his mother... he held back his tears and headed to his cell... there everything flashed back... he saw his mom taking care of a kid and the kid grew up to be him... he saw how he robbed his mom for cash... how he cursed his mom to die... and now it happened... she is now gone... then his sister came.... brought along a tabloid stating that his brother died with 51 stabbed wounds... and so he locked himself again...to cry alone and think of revenge... but again he heard the word of the Lord... so he just let it pass... weeks and weeks after.... his sister came back... carrying a news... his dad had died... he hated himself then on... they died without him having to say sorry first... so he cried outloud for God's forgiveness... and he promised Lord that he will serve Him... just free him from all these pains and suffering he is going through... And the Lord heard Him...
It was a touching story... I cried hearing him tell this with rough voice and teary eyes... haay... I love you Lord :)

Maybe one day...

I thought you were mine... I never thought that circumstances could still take you away from me... We were happy together remember?! I don't know why you changed... From the sweetest man I know to the most cruel person in my life.... You knew how much I loved you... How big I risked just for this relationship to grow... It grew alright! but what... I promised never to surrender on any trials that might come... I attempted to but did not went on... I remembered my promises... I remembered how you begged me never to leave you... I was good at it... keeping promises... but what good did it do for me... You are no longer mine... You surrendered your love... you chose someone else... you took me for granted for someone who takes you for granted... I can not keep anyone who pushes me away.... I did my best never to look at anyone else's good qualities for me to never be tempted... for me to love you genuinely... but now I kinda wished I did... at least we could be quits... you chosed someone over me... I should have chosen someone else over you... I kinda wish we never met... at least I will not mind you walking away from me.... but that was not the case... I met you... I've known more about you... I fell in love with you... I risked everything for you... and now you have left me... I hate what happened... more so I hate myself... for being too gullible on all the things you say.. I trusted you too much... I should have backed off... I knew you said I can never understand you... but I did... I do... I still do... that is why I try to be your friend... but what now?... you pushed me again... you don't want me by your side... It hurts me even more.... You want me to be gone entirely in your life... and I can't do anything anymore... I'll probably be alone now... trying to find out where to search for the pieces of me.... I hope one day I'll be back smiling again... tell you I have moved on... I hope one day... the promises I kept are given more value... I hope one day... I would be happy... may it be with you or not...

If I Knew Who I Was

I've been one of the most talkative person I know in my entire life... I usually air out how I feel and fight anyone who hurts me on purpose... I do not care how people see me as long as I know I am right... I hate stepping on anybody and I hate people who does that... I am as describe by the people I know and people who I just got acquainted with as a person who is bubbly, funny, smart, kind and most of all real...
This gives me a headache to think... If I am the person I know that I am... why do I have to keep my silence for your sake... Why do I keep on bearing lies that I should be ignoring... If I am who I know I am... why do I keep everything to myself now? It was mine... you know what it is...and you told me that it is... but I kept silent when someone claimed it... It was me... you said that it's me... but I kept silent when someone answered when you called me... It was ours... we believed that it was ours... but I kept silent when somebody claimed it... I do not know why I always let you decide... maybe because I know you know what is right.... and least risky... I do not know why I keep silent even if my heart has been pounding so hard for the truth to come out... I do not know why you said it was only me who knew the truth... but can I disclose it? If I can... I still won't... why??? because I respect you that you would be the one to make it all work... to tell the whole truth... to stop all the lies...

From Me to You

I don't know why I keep finding myself alone in a dark room and weeping... I keep finding myself staring at nothing but seeing you on all the nothings that I look at...

Who is she? Why does she hurt me like this? You said she is just a friend and nothing more... are you just denying her? Is she telling the truth??? Who is she to do this to me??? If she is part of your past... just tell me... please be man enough to tell me all the thing I need to know... and be man enough to tell me the truth.... and if you are telling the truth that she is really nothing to you... then be man enough to cut her off your life... and tell her who I am and why she has to go... I don't know if what you say about her were just excuses... that she tends to hurt herself... you know my weakness... that I am defenseless when another person's life is on the line... are you just making this up? you said not to worry... that you will take care of everything... I just hope you are telling the truth....

For now... I will leave you alone...for you to have your time for yourself... I haven't given up on you yet... I hope you do your part... I'll hold on... but I hope it won't take you so long.... because I do not know until when I could last...