New Year's Resolution

I got to think what to do starting next year....

• Love myself more...
  
• Stop myself from buying things that aren't useful...
  
• Refrain from talking about myself too much...
  
• Try to fix my things...
  
• Try to make my bed every morning...and before going to bed...
  
• Refrain from eating too much chicken... Allergies.. Haay...
  
• Try to keep my pay slip... hehehe
  
• Calm down...
  
• Sing better... hahahaha...
  
• Love more!!! Hate less!!! Forgive often!!! Forget truly... and Learn fast!!!
  

Hmmm... I think thats all for now... muah... Happy New Year Everyone!!!

Quite Tired...

I opened my Notebook and sees his face at the background... it gives me pain but I couldn't bear to remove it.... I woke up thinking... He has lied again probably... ohh.. sorry... He has not lied... because he has not said anything to be considered a lie... he just did not say anything... which led me to thinking a lot once again... I had reach an emotional state earlier... I think I'm getting tired... quite tired.... but not quite there yet... I love him really... but I got an illustration of whats happening in my mind... I felt like I tripped over a cliff where only him... was there... he grabbed my hand and kept holding on to me... he says: "Hold on to me... never go tired... we can do this..."... but looking at our hands... I was the only one holding on... gripping hard so I won't fall... and I'm slipping already... hold on... because I'm quite tired holding on for myself...

His Name is...

I woke up one morning as the sunlight hits the lids of my eyes... I thought "hmm... did someone opened my blinds?" I slowly opened my eyes and a shadow covered the light... I could not see his face... he was looking at me for minutes... probably hours... I got up my bed and went pass through him... I told him to leave me but he only gave me a deafening silence and an unexplainable look in the eye... I went on preparing my clothes for the day... I washed my face and brushed my teeth... While looking through the mirror I saw him standing behind me... seems like begging for my attention... I just shut my eyes and continued with my brushing... After I took a bath... I went to my room and changed.... As I was doing my make up... he was still standing behind me... seems like he was gonna cry... But I just shook my head and went to work... I was surprised when I saw him in my office... He was standing by my PC... "Sh*t... What the heck are you doing here???"... and he begged "Please talk to me.." but all I heard were murmurs... I did not fully understand what he said... so I went on with my day... finishing everything I can... Alas! I'm done! I'm going home now... I rode a cab home... I was alone... I thought I was... When I lifted my head I saw him by the driver's seat... He never left me... He kept on following me... everywhere... I arrived home... paid the cab and went home running fast... I thought I lost him... but I was wrong... He was waiting for me in my room... Finally, I was fed up... I confronted him and ask why he kept on following me... only these words were the key to his mystery... "Because you kept running away from me... I want you to face and talk to me..." who was the guy??? His name is "Problem".
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Moral Lesson:
Problems won't leave you... They are there unless you face them...

Yes Folks! I am WEIRD!

I was talking to Theresa just a this day and shared to her some of the weirdest things I have done in my life... hehe She said it was really funny and that it would be a nice entry for my blog... let's start...

• I was around 10 years old when I did something I really regret... I forgot what actually happened... I just found myself talking to God... "God... you are the only one who knows what I have done... I wish You could forgive me... I can't bear You being mad at me... and in punishment for having wronged You... I will kneel over this cup of salt!!!" hahaha so I sprinkled salt on the floor and kneeled... looking up the altar I told God... "Lord... it really hurts huh..." hehehe
  
• Another, I fell inlove a few times when I was younger... I write love letters and stuff but never gave them... I do that still though... but back then.. after writing letters and stuff... I burn them where the wind blows... and then I speak to the wind if he could carry my message to the person that letter was intended for... Sometimes I tear the letter in small pieces and try to soften them in water... and then pour it in the toilet and flush it down... then think that the process of evaporation, condensation and presipitation will carry my message to whoever the letter was for... hahaha I never thought those moments would be something to laugh about!!!
  
• When I was in college... I light incenses in front of my window where the wind could blow the scent of roses... and kneeled there and Pray... "Lord, Please carry this message to him..." and read my letter while my eyes are bursting with tears!!! bwahahahaha

Ewwww!!! I never thought I was that weird until today!!! hahahahahah...
Actually there are more stories in my life that are really weird... but I'll just post this for now...

The Heart

How heavy can a heart ever feel without you wanting to give up??? Maybe as heavy as the Earth and the Sun and all the Stars and Planets in the Universe rolled into one.... How long can a person endure pain in their hearts??? Maybe longer than forever.... How far can the heart go out of its beating just to make things work??? Maybe as far as death could bring it.... How many lies and false hopes can the heart close its eyes to??? Maybe more than we could ever think of.... But if the heart is that great to endure all pains, suffer all lies and false hopes, wait for something you are not sure of and carry anything heavier than it could really carry... Does it ever stop and think that its enough??? Does it ever get there??? I am not sure how long the heart could face all this.... I am not sure if it will ever stop feeling pain and be numb... I am not sure... come to think of it... what am I sure about? I am loving and hurting at the same time... but maybe thats the whole essence of it.... That you feel pain because you love... and that when you love it is a given fact that we all should be ready to feel those pain.... Or we feel love because we had felt pain already.... haaay... I think I'm going crazy... I hate false hopes...

He is Tired!?!?

Just got back from our Christmas Party.... Been talking for nearly 5 hours without break...because I hosted the party... then he textes me and he was furious...He said I didn't even texted him... maybe I should have asked for a break to text him... but I guess I wanted it all to get over with so I can go home already... but what did he do... He said he was tired of me... He waited 5 hours and then he was tired of me... Last October, someone went back here... and he tells me lies that he wasn't with that person... and I trusted him... and almost everyday I wait till 3 in the morning... but did I ever told him I was tired... no! never! I never thought that 5 hours is as long as waiting from 7 pm to 3 am everyday... or could be longer.... it hurts so much!!! Like I didn't matter... I gave him my all and he says he's tired.... before he use to tell me... I might give up on him.... Now... I wonder what he says to himself... Sh*T!!! it really hurts... He's been hurting me all along and I'm still here... and he questions my love??? that's so absurd!!!

My Weird Pet II

If you find Tailless weird... I have 2 other significant weird pets. Here goes...
My mother never wanted as to have pets aside from having a duckling and some chicks. So me and my brother took care of two more pets. We had a beetle named "Blender" and an ant named "Dingding".
Blender was a black tiny beetle with 2 white curves drawn on its back. Not much to tell about Blender so I'll proceed with my ant.
We saw Dingding when we were observing a cracked on our wall. Out came a very unusual ant. The very first time we saw a black FAT ant. Not the usual small ones... and since she came out from our dingding- English translation: Wall, we named her after her origin. Dingding was cute and she eats all the food that we give her. She sleeps in a match box with cotton for comfort. One day, Dingding seems to have broken her leg. So my brother and I decided to cure her. We gave her a big drop of alcohol. She swam and swam until I pulled her up. Poor Dingding... she almost drowned. I'm not sure if the alcohol ever did its part that we thought it would... I'm not sure if Dingding was better after swimming. Anyway, one day, Dingding was lost. we could not find her... My Brother and I became so sad... We watched the other ants in different places. One day, we saw a lot of ants... and a lot of Dingding for the record... wow, all the while we thought Dingding was the only black, fat ant... hahah :)
I hope you don't think I'm crazy... heheh Have a nice day!